March 8, 2026

By Stephen Stofka

In a familiar Hollywood plot, a loner comes to a sleepy western town. He harbors some dark secrets from the Civil War and prefers to be left alone (Source). He wants someone to tend to his horse plus a good meal and a room for the night. While eating in the saloon he is interrupted by a bully who challenges him. Or maybe the bully gets physical with one of the saloon girls. The bully makes some aggressive action to the loner and the loner either knocks him out or wounds him with a gunshot. The townsfolk are scared because the bully’s gang will come back and do terrible things.

“Where’s the sheriff?” the loner asks. The gang killed the old sheriff, one of the terrified town folk tell him. So the loner becomes the new sheriff. It’s a job he is reluctant to accept, but no one else can take care of the problem. Eventually, the loner is forced to defend himself and kill the gang’s boss and the rest of the gang because the loner is fast with a gun. President Trump fancies himself as the new sheriff in town. The town, in this case, is the world. For his efforts, Trump expects to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Billions of us around the world are extras in Trump’s fantasy western, the Legend of Trump.

Shortly after taking office for the second time as the sheriff, Trump had to get rid of many of the gang members, i.e. federal employees, who worked in Washington. Many of these people were engaged in helping others, a criminal activity that Sheriff Trump vowed to stamp out. Employees who helped Americans during natural emergencies (FEMA) were part of the gang. People providing services for veterans (Veterans Affairs) or helping provide medical aid to those in poor countries (USAID) were part of the gang and were cut (Source). For that task, Sheriff Trump turned to Chainsaw Muskrat who promised to carve off the fat like a Wisconsin woodcutter carves a tree trunk into a statue of an American eagle. Turns out the Muskrat was about as artistic as a beaver chewing a tree trunk. Then the Muskrat left Washington, taking his chainsaw with him.

Next the new sheriff rid the town of brown skinned varmints who took jobs away from God- fearing townsfolk. They were worse than horse thieves. They were stealing social benefits. The sheriff had ‘em rounded up and put in cattle pens in Texas. Next he sent his posse to the town of Venezuela to capture the gang leader Machete Maduro and throw him in a Brooklyn jail where other notorious criminals had waited for the firm hand of justice.

For decades no one had been able to bring peace to the Middle East. The violence and hatred was worse than the range wars between cattlemen and sheepherders in the 19^th century. This time the sheriff gathered up a big posse with lots of dynamite that they could hurl down from the sky. Ka-boom. They took out the gang leader Ayatollah and some of his henchmen. The townsfolk in Iran danced with joy. “You’re welcome,” the sheriff told them as he rode off with his posse, the sunset casting an orange glow on the sheriff’s face.

This is the Legend of Donald Trump who brought law and order to the wild frontier. I hope to see you next week for another thrilling episode.

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Image by ChatGPT